3 years ago i lost my beautiful son Vinnie who was only 26 years old to cancer. I had to watch him suffer for 2 and half years through chemo and constantly being sick. And even though he was sick he was so strong and tried to make the best of the time he had left. He loved to play and write music and he was very talented at electronics as well. He was a beautiful blessing to me and to his brothers and to all who knew him. All 3 of my sons were close and the loss devastated them as well as me. Vinnie loved life and cared deeply for others even when he was going through cancer he still always cared more about others than himself.
He always wanted to travel and see the world and he was so hopeful that he would beat cancer but unfortunately it was too aggressive and grew to fast. He had a rare cancer call germcell cancer. Losing Vinnie was the worst thing we have all had to deal with. We all lost a huge part of ourselves when he died. We miss his smile, we miss his jokes his beautiful voice and his music. We miss all the love he gave to all of us. I know Vinnie would of achieved great things if he had survived. He had so many hopes and dreams. Even though he wasnt here very long he did touch a lot of peoples hearts and left nothing but beautiful memories behind.
When Vinnie first passed I wanted to die too. I couldnt believe he was gone. I couldnt believe God did not answer all of our prayers and save him. I couldnt understand why he had to get cancer such a beautiful kind human being and get taken away from not only my family but the world. I was so heartbroken and had a hard time dealing with it. It just wasnt fair! Why did this have to happen? Why my son? How am I suppose to go on with life? There were so many emotions we all had to go through. Anger, grief and guilt. I had a hard time enjoying life cause i felt sad and guilt for me still being here alive and my son wasnt. Our children are not suppose to go be fore us. I did have alot of support from friends and family. And yes there were times when people would say things like “its part of Gods Plan and “hes in a better place now” which brought me no comfort and kind of made me mad. I know they didnt understand that was not the right thing to say. There really is nothing you can say to a mother who has lost her child. All you can do is say your sorry and allow time for healing.
I felt life would never ever get better the sadness in my heart was too strong. I couldn’t even talk about Vinnie without breaking down and crying. I just wanted to be alone. Friends wanted to come and see me and comfort me but I just couldnt do it. I had to deal with my grief on my own. I didnt want to talk about it.
There reallly is no time limit to grief. Everyone has different ways of dealing with it and you have to give them the time they need to get through it no matter how long it takes. And people have to be understanding of that. But I also realized i have 2 other beautiful sons and the rest of my family that I had to be strong for. Vinnie wouldn’t want us to spend our life grieving for him but rather to live it to the fullest, to celebrate him and keep his memory alive. Now we can talk about him with joy in our hearts and share our beautiful memories of him. . Vinnie was such a positive person and always had a saying ever since he was a little boy when things got tough he would always say “Oh well Life is Life” Although the time we had with him was short it was truly a blessing. To have such a kind and loving human being in our lives is something that will always live on in us and through us. And for that I thank God. The last thing Vinnie said before he passed was I’ll see you in Heaven. Yes my beautiful boy we will see you again someday and when that day comes we will never be apart or feel pain or heartache ever again.
for those of you out there who are going through a great loss Im so very sorry and I hope you find the strength to get through it. Sending much love and healing your way